“Welcome to your voicemail. You have 1 new message. Message received at 10:37am."
"Hi Bobbi, its Francine. The second train arrived early so just letting you know I've called a taxi and will be with you in about an hour's time. Sorry that's a tad bit earlier in the day than you were expecting me! Excited to see you! Byeeee!"
A tad. A bit. ONLY 2 WEEKS EARLIER!! Why did her train arrive 2 WEEKS EARLIER?!
I jump up off the couch faster than I think I ever have- causing a shower of crumbs as they fly out from the creases in my pyjama shorts - and run into the kitchen, nearly slipping on the lino floor in my pink slipper socks. They really should make adults' slipper socks like the ones we wore as children, you know, with the little sticky pads on the bottom, in the shape of paw prints, or, moons and stars... Ooh! They could make them in the shape of something a bit more grown-up, like, pretzels! Or another crispy-like snack, like, tortilla chips! Wait no, they're basically just triangle shapes. Maybe I should put pen to paper and consider applying for Dragons Den. Anyway…
“What was I doing in here? Oh yes! Panicking!”
I unhook the calendar hung up on the kitchen wall and flip it over from August to September where I recall noting down “Francine arrives” Very politely written; I was smart enough to realise that our calendar will not be for our eyes only when she moves in. There it was! Just as I’d thought! The 13th September, nearly two weeks from today- the 31st. I don’t understand. They’re not even the same week day! They’re not even close! I mean, other than the fact they both have a 1 and a 3 they’re completely dif-
“Hang on. Where is my phone?!”
I run up the stairs in twos, almost skidding off the fourth step- thank God for banisters (its times like these I wish I lived in a bungalow). It’s not in my room.
“Ahh! where IS it?!”
I’m in such a frenzy I forgot I left it charging next to the couch near my post-breakfast biscuit setup. I run back down the stairs in three-
“Wooah no, twos! Sticking to twos!”
I don’t know who I think I am, I haven’t even done my gym induction yet! I find my phone with the biscuits (I pop a whole custard cream in my mouth for my nerves) and abruptly pull it away from the wire, not too differently to how I steal the remote from Will’s hand every Saturday morning when he tries to turn the channel over from Saturday Kitchen Live. It’s only 90 minutes of my day! That’s nothing! Oh help, and Francine will be here in less than 60! I run back to the tainted calendar that was once the most reliable thing in my life, but is now responsible for this episode of Monday Kitchen Panic! (Not the first kitchen panic I’ve had). I get the text message conversation up from Francine…
‘Aw I’m looking forward to it more!’…
(I know, I know. I’m not looking forward to it- dreading it actually- but I thought that saying it might help me channel it, or at least dread it less, tricking the mind or whatever!)
‘… See you in a few weeks on the 31st! Francine X'
Crap.
“How did I mix up 31 with 13!?
How did I do that? HOW?!
Oh no. I know how… she must’ve messaged me while I was watching 13 Going On 30 the other week! Oh bloomin’ heck Bobbi! I think I was eating a delicate cream slice from the bakery as well- that does take A LOT of concentration! It's come back to me now, it was the perfect afternoon setup, then my phone buzzed with a unwanted reminder (but evidently needed!) What a joke. I am a woman! I am supposed to be able to multi-task! Although I guess I did, just not very well. Will is not going to be pleased (and that will be the biggest understatement of my life!) He has been in denial about her moving in since I told him. I guess, in hindsight, over text wasn’t the best way to break it to him; I think he’s trying the “it doesn’t exist if I don’t talk about it” tactic. Little does he know it's about to hit him right in the face when he gets in tonight. I can’t blame this mix-up on a Rom Com…can I? No. But I can’t lie to him either.
Anyway! There’s no time for prolonging this panic! Time is of the essence, as they say! And this is no ordinary, vanilla essence! I must make up the bed in the ex-game room! Oh Will, please don’t hate me.
It’s been 10 minutes since she left that message. I’m glad I let it ring out! Imagine trying to conceal my fright (okay, fright is an exaggeration) my... horror, from her over the phone! I set a timer on my phone for 30 minutes. I will need a 10-minute sit down before she arrives just to prepare, and plan an explanation for Will for when he gets home from work! I walk up the stairs one at a time like normal people this time- determined to control my panic. I open my bedroom wardrobe where I stuffed the new floral bedding for the ex-game room out of Will’s sight (I didn’t want it to trigger him) behind the shoe boxes. I haven’t had time to wash it, which I would have done if I hadn’t made this stupid… yeah, let’s not focus on the mishap. I take it out of the plastic wrapper and make up the slightly creaky fold-out wall bed.
The bedding doesn’t particularly match the cobalt blue walls (I was planning to repaint them next week as well) and it’s got obvious, deep fold marks. It’s not got the homeliest feel overall… but at least she can tell I bought brand new bedding for her! Crisp! Yes. That’s lovely isn’t it. I am a lovely cousin. All it needs now is for me to put the inexpensive, grey curtains up that I ordered from Amazon last w-
“Is that a taxi sat outside?”
*KNOCK KNOCK*
"No. No no NO! She’s here?!”
And I can’t even hide behind a curtain. There’s still ten minutes left on the timer! The room isn’t even ready! I even bought a box of little Kinder chocolate bars so I could leave one on the pillow for when she arrives and there's no time! I mean, it’s not like they’ll go to waste, but still, it would’ve been nice!
*KNOCK KNOCK*
I’ve not even brushed my hair today. And I’m still in my pyjamas! And they’re not even my best pair… scrap that- they’re not even a matching set!
*KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK*
...
I think I’ll have to get that.
Comments