‘why are you only just tellin me this now and over text bob’
‘I just remembered now, Will!
Am I not allowed to send my husband
a quick text on his break?’
‘dont be stupid you know what i mean i don’t get why
you didn’t discuss this with me last night not like we
were busy or anythin we were sat there all night
eatin chips and watchin tele’
‘Will, I’m telling you I just forgot, okay? It slipped my mind,
I have other more important things to be worrying about,
you know, like running a home- you might recall me putting
a clothes wash on last night, and a dishwasher load?’
‘you got a grease stain on your favourite jeans and you wanted
to wear them again for going out with the girls tonight so that
explains the wash and we had no clean bowls left for desert’
‘anyway, granny frannie is not staying with us bobbi barely enough
space for the two of us and i cant be doing with her clumsiness
everyday and the “spare room” that you called it earlier is not a
“spare room” you know its my games room so she cant have that room’
‘ *our games room’
‘I know she’s annoying but she’s family.
What was I supposed to say?’
‘no’
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want Francine living under our roof and sleeping in “our games room” either- we are no Sister Sledge hit song personified, as the BBQ anecdote painted, or in fact, didn’t paint, earlier. We are family, yes, but there’s no ‘get up everybody and sing’ about us. To be honest, it’s not just Francine that Will doesn’t like, my whole family are a bit, well, how can I say this politely…
WEIRD.
Why should I have to be polite? They’re MY family, I won’t get offended!
But hey, aren’t all families? No, no they’re not actually- not like mine. Mine is particularly weird. I’m talking discussing how the pH levels in their allotment soil are affecting the growth of their cauliflowers, the benefits of washing your hair with shower gel rather than shampoo, competing for a Guinness World Record for the most yo-yos using your toe and practicing under the table at birthday teas.
Oh, and turning up without contributing to the buffet- what is that about!? A sin, that is, in my eyes that are never too big for my belly.
You know that Will and I both enjoy a quiet night in… with the karaoke machine; well, Will has a few go-to karaoke songs and We Are Family actually used to be one of them! Well, it still is, only after a couple of, shall we confidently say unusual, family gatherings on my half, he started changing the lyrics. He thinks he is hilarious! In the first verse he sings…
“All of these people/ around me- go’way/
how can they be that gross?”
It’s a good job I am not like my family, isn’t it? He sings it in the shower as well, so much so that I even sing his version. I’ve forgotten the actual lyrics now.
I am in much need of a Reece’s peanut butter cup- if ever someone has filled a cup with such perfection, its Mr. Reece. That was an odd sentence, maybe I am just a little bit like my fa…
A shiver comes over me, I put my phone back down on top of the biscuit tin. I’m sure there was an open pack of Reece’s in the naughty and nice nook. I spot the orange wrapper poking out right at the back…
“I just… caann’t… ssseem t’rreeaa-ch…
GOT ONE!”
It’s gotten a bit smushed by the emergency jar of chunky peanut butter, haha- by its own kind! Its own family. Ah see, there is no perfect family! I laugh out loud at my own strange thought before unwrapping the chocolate and popping the kettle on. I am completely dreading Will coming home and having to discuss this Francine predicament. There was no way I could have denied her a place to stay when we have a room available- gosh, I sound like a woman working behind a check-in desk of a hotel who doesn’t want that old high school mean girl with her brand new Mercedes and rising dog accessories company knowing where she works. I was wanting to start shifting Will’s gaming gear out of the spare room today before she arrives in a few weeks, but I have this cold, sort of, empty feeling in my stomach whenever I think about it, unless I’m just hungry? Yes, that’ll be it! I should go grab another snack from the nook, take my teabag out (it’ll probably be all stewed by now) and make a start on preparing the room. Nothing to worry about! Will, well he’ll just have to deal with it, won’t he?
I head upstairs with my favourite mug that says ‘lazy day’ and aim to have quite the opposite! I unplug the console, neatly box it up with the controllers and I don’t stop until the only thing left in the room is a smart, black frame hanging on the wall holding one of our wedding photos.
“There! Half way to a guest room!”
I sip my now cold tea and lick the melted chocolate off the Penguin wrapper that I saved for a job-done reward. The cold, empty feeling is still there. I am dreading him coming home even more than I was two hours ago.
‘For better, for worse’… this might just be the ‘worse’ part!
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